Leaving Oz

A Thanksgiving Story

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It has all the best parts of a holiday—family, good food, cozy togetherness—without the stressful parts like gifts or costumes or bouncehouses. Thanksgiving is, I know, stressful for many moms because of all the cooking. Lucky for me, I don’t cook much. Actually hardly at all. When I do contribute food to a holiday, I usually bake.

For me baking is pleasurable not only because it results in my favorite foods, but because it represents to me happy family time. My mom baked a lot when I was growing up, usually with me at her side. So although I have no idea how to cook a turkey, I do know how to whip up a cake or cookies.

This Thanksgiving my contribution was pumpkin cheesecake. I had my recipe all picked out from Real Simple magazine. But my husband, the head chef, nixed it for fear it was too simple. Instead he turned to the Internet, one of his favorite cookbooks, and chose what he thought was a more gourmet recipe. I was game; like I said, I KNOW how to bake.

Wildfire on campus

The phone call from my son, Hethaestus, came early Thursday evening.  "Mom, I thought you should know.  A wildfire started in the hill just above Westmont College.  It's reached campus, so everyone has been evacuated into the gymnasium. The gym is built of cinder-block; it's fire-safe.  I'm at the apartment, so I'm ten miles away, but I can see the glow from here.  Two of my roommates are still on campus, and lots of my friends.  I've been texting them--everybody seems safe."

Halloween Aftermath

The week after we went trick or treating, I noticed Rex was a bit off.  He was more fragile, whinier, touchier, and hadn't eaten more than two bites of any meal.  Yes, he went trick or treating.  Yes, we allow the kids to take one or two candies from the bag during the day.  No, we don't lock the bags up or store them in high places where they can't be reached.  The cute felt bags which their grandmother had given them this year were in full view and very accessible in our kitchen. 

I felt the honor code was working well.  They asked me if they could have a treat, and I would either say yes or no.  Accordingly, they would eat or not eat.  At least, that is what I thought...

Sound Sampler Strife

Earlier this summer, I took my younger son Nick to a music class to settle an ongoing argument we’ve been having over what instrument he might want to learn.

When they were young, I coerced both my boys into taking piano lessons. Erik stuck with it for 5 years, even though the last 3 years were sheer torture with daily tantrums and tears during practice time.  Once Erik took up a band instrument (clarinet in 5th grade, then switching to alto saxophone in 6th grade), I released us both from the Piano Wars.  But we both still have battle scars from them.

Nick has taken 2 ½ years of piano and I’ve already incurred more casualties with him than with the first son. I’m ready to transition him onto another instrument NOW.  I found a great book from the library about how to pick the right instrument based on your child’s natural temperament, titled Musical Instruments for Children:  Choosing What's Right for Your Child by Richard Crozier.  I found it highly insightful and much of the author’s assessments, while generalizations, do have some basis in truth from my own musical experience.  So, from studying this book cover to cover, I am thinking that either 1) flute or 2) drums would be a good fit for Nick. 

Stepping Up to an Unpopular Position

I read a quote over the summer that keeps rolling around in my head. It was from actress Diane Keaton, talking about how nothing challenges your values like having children. It's easy enough to say what you believe--and even say it with conviction. But until you're called to live out those values in front of your children, or enforce them on behalf of your children, they're just empty words.

For me the rubber met the road this past weekend when my 10-year old daughter was at a sleepover birthday party with four other girls her age--girls who, for the most part, have different rules in their homes than we do. Girls whose families are all apparently okay with letting them watch PG-13 movies.

The movie in question was "Step Up 2," a romance about two teenage dance students from different backgrounds. A movie that includes not only "realistic threats and dangers, violence or threat of violence and/or stories in which children are hurt or threatened" but also "provocative dancing and kissing" (information taken from youngmedia.org).

My Son Broke My Mom's Nose

Our much anticipated visit to my parents' home at the end of September was fraught with one challenge after another.  About ten days before I was to leave for Ohio, I had arguably the biggest fight with my mom that I've had since living outside of her house.  Raised voices, locked doors, hanging up on one another... it was bad.  I almost cancelled the trip, but I knew that would be a mistake made in the heat of my emotion. 

Then, after my mother and I reconciled which was a small miracle (thank you, Lord!), the power went out in my parents' home for seven days.  Every day, I would call, as the date for our departure drew nearer, and ask, "Is it on yet?" 

And she would reply, "Not yet.  Maybe tomorrow." 

Love What You Do

What’s your calling? I’m not sure many of us have even given it much thought—at least not since our years of mothering started. In college, it seemed like few things were more important than finding a career path. In recent years, it’s the farthest things from our minds.

Motherhood, surely, is the highest calling. No job in the world is more important than raising our kids right. But some of us are called to do other work in addition to parenting—sometimes for personal fulfillment, sometimes for financial gain, usually for both. Many of my stay-at-home mom friends whose kids are now in full-day school are thinking about working again, some with more excitement than others. All with some degree of trepidation. Moms, I have one piece of advice for you—those of you re-entering the workforce and those who are called to stay at home: love what you do.

My Speechless Ultrasound

I wanted to send an update about my latest prayer request.  For months, I've been dreading what I had to go through being over 35 years old and pregnant.  I've been asking for peace of mind to get through the genetic ultrasound done that is done at 18 weeks. 

When the test was done for my first pregnancy, there were multiple "markers" that indicated brain damage, down syndrome, and trisonomy 18 defects. We forewent doing the amnio, since we were committed to have the baby, defect or no defect.  We had to undergo regular testing to monitor the status.  Needless to say, we endured months of tears, agony for months, waiting to see something change.  It wasn't until testing was done later in the pregnancy showed that everything was fine.  The results had been false negative.

So going into the test this second time, Hubby and I were very stressed.  We braced ourselves for a set of "markers" and a pregnancy frought with worry once again.

Sickness and the Empty Nest

Okay, I thought I was dealing with the empty nest pretty well. I survived those 17 days of my daughter’s pre-college wilderness experience. That was challenging. Sequoia didn’t get to bring her computer into the wilderness. Or her cell phone. So I had a hard stop in communications. Seventeen days of silence.

I flew to Chicago the day she returned from the wilderness, and helped her move into the dorm. We caught up, shopped for necessities, hugged, cried. Okay, I cried—she was fine. We passed notes when the orientation sessions got boring. I flew home three days later and started a new job.

It Definitely Takes a Village

One of my favorite novels is I Don’t Know How She Does It, about a woman who wants to be the best mom possible and also have a fulfilling career. Her stories about her crazy life are hilarious and hit close to home.

Some of my friends have said to me “I don’t know how you do it.” Well I’ll tell you how. It’s not a secret. I need a village, both to help me raise my children and to keep me sane. I could not survive without them. In addition to an unshakeable faith in my Creator, there are three key things that keep me afloat, and all of them are people: my family, my friends, and my service providers. My service providers. Does that make you laugh? Read on.