One of my favorite novels is I Don’t Know How She Does It, about a woman who wants to be the best mom possible and also have a fulfilling career. Her stories about her crazy life are hilarious and hit close to home.
Some of my friends have said to me “I don’t know how you do it.” Well I’ll tell you how. It’s not a secret. I need a village, both to help me raise my children and to keep me sane. I could not survive without them. In addition to an unshakeable faith in my Creator, there are three key things that keep me afloat, and all of them are people: my family, my friends, and my service providers. My service providers. Does that make you laugh? Read on.
First, my family. Because my husband and I both grew up in this area, we are incredibly blessed to have both sets of parents very close by—two couples, married to their original spouses, who love each other and us very deeply. They are all amazing individuals, and not just because they're our parents. Any one of them will be there for us in any way, shape or form at any hour of the day or night. I never underestimate or underappreciate that.
Second, there are my friends. We moved to this town about three years ago, this town that I grew up in. We moved less than a mile down the road, from the next town over, but for some reason we landed a world apart from where we had been. Here in my suburban Silicon Valley Haven, I met the women of my tribe. Sure, there are many women in my tribe (and I love you all, I do), but until we moved here most of them lived too far away to pick up my kids from soccer practice.
Here’s an example. I am in a book club of about 10 women who all live in this town. One day I shot off a brief email to the group about how I was having a tough week and probably wouldn’t make it to book club. Within minutes I had four phone calls or emails. By the end of the day I had heard from most of them. How could they help? What did I need?
When my friend Kristin’s father had a heart attack, she rushed to jump on a plane and be at his side. Word spread like wildfire at school drop-off, and within an hour, more than a dozen of us moms had called to offer our help to the family.
That’s the kind of community I live in.
Third, there are my service providers. I tallied them recently and pictured what my life would be like without them, and it became clear I simply wouldn’t be able to function.
There’s Erika, our awesome college-aged nanny who takes her job more seriously than most people I’ve worked with in major corporations. Not only does she make our children’s needs and safety her highest priority when she’s working, she also does their laundry, washes our dishes, walks our dog, and generally helps keep our domestic life running.
There’s Patricia, who works her fingers to the bone cleaning our house every week. There’s Paige, our son’s tutor, who was our daughter’s kindergarten teacher and is passionate about kids and education. Ashley, my trainer, who has literally turned me into a new woman. Roni, our gardener, who loves her work and loves it that I talk to her about our yard—and her life--every time she’s here. Stephanie, who takes our young, high-energy Labrador Retriever to the beach on the days he otherwise wouldn’t have exercise. I could keep going, and talk about Nancy and Nathalie and Cindy and so on but would embarrass myself with my long list.
Here's the deal. God designed us with holes in our hearts and souls. A few big holes only he can fill. And lots of smaller holes that can only be filled by meaningful connections with other people. Many of those connections come through serving and being served.
Moms, did you hear that? I said being served. Allowing ourselves to be served by others--even if we have to pay them--is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. You've heard the saying "if Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy." 'Nuff said.
When people wonder how I “do it all,” the honest truth is I most definitely don’t do it all. I have a huge village helping me, and helping my family. Some are paid, some are not, but all are people who care very much about serving other people. And when it comes down it, that’s the most important thing any of us can do.
I am very blessed.
Comments