What’s your calling? I’m not sure many of us have even given it much thought—at least not since our years of mothering started. In college, it seemed like few things were more important than finding a career path. In recent years, it’s the farthest things from our minds.
Motherhood, surely, is the highest calling. No job in the world is more important than raising our kids right. But some of us are called to do other work in addition to parenting—sometimes for personal fulfillment, sometimes for financial gain, usually for both. Many of my stay-at-home mom friends whose kids are now in full-day school are thinking about working again, some with more excitement than others. All with some degree of trepidation. Moms, I have one piece of advice for you—those of you re-entering the workforce and those who are called to stay at home: love what you do.
For some reason, few things bring joy to my heart like a person who loves what they do. When our microwave broke a couple of months ago I called for service. Pete showed up on my doorstep, all six and half feet of him, a hulking, tattooed presence reeking to high heavens of cigarettes. My daughter took one look at him at high-tailed it to her room; I kind of felt like doing the same. But my most important appliance was broken and Pete was here to help.
To my surprise, he ended up being not only one of the most polite and articulate repairman I’ve ever entertained, he took the time to explain in detail what was wrong with my microwave, what it would cost to fix, and why I was better off just buying a new microwave—oh, and what I should look for to get the most value for my money. The guy clearly loved his job. It was the best $85 I ever spent on a repair call—especially considering nothing got fixed. As I watched his hulking form retreat down the driveway I felt like shouting “you’re a great guy Pete! Don’t let anyone get you down!”
During the first decade of my career, when I didn’t have children to give me perspective on what really matters, I felt every challenge and disappointment deeply. Some days I would sit in my car reading my Bible before walking into the building. One of the verses that sustained me was Colossians 3:23:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
At that time the evil megalomaniacs running our company lacked any similarity to our Lord Christ, so keeping my eyes on Jesus, instead of them, helped me get through.
But it’s a great reminder for how we should live each day. Who am I serving? Am I embracing my work—whether it’s a pile of laundry or a technical white paper—with the joy of one who is working for a reward in heaven?
We all know what it feels like to love what we do. When I’m energized and excited about my work, it bubbles my mood up to a higher plane. It casts a glowing halo around everyone I come in contact with. It makes it much easier to meet challenges with grace and courage. Why then do some people choose work they do not love?
A stay-at-home mom I know has all the resources a mother could want—a wonderful husband, darling, healthy child, gorgeous home, tons of friends. Incredibly, she complains about how hard her life is, despite the fact that her husband has encouraged her to hire help—any kind for any number of hours. But she refuses; she feels it’s her job to care for her child and home. Yet she’s miserable.
I just want to say to her: love what you do. If you don’t love it, change something.
Then again, there are stay-at-home moms who seem to do it all, not just going through the motions, but mothering with true joy. They are gifted, and they are blessed.
Take our friends Dave and Krista as great examples of loving what you do. They are smart, wonderful people—especially smart in that they’ve built a life for themselves based on what they love. Dave is the son of a doctor, a college graduate, and Krista has even completed law school. But their calling was unconventional: Dave teaches surfing and rents out bikes for riding on the beach. Krista trains, boards and cares for animals. Dave is passionate about surfing. Krista is passionate about animals. They are happy and I admire them tremendously.
One of my favorite sayings is “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.” Nothing could be more true, especially if your children are as perceptive as mine, tuning into every nuance of my non-verbal behavior to sense my mood. Motherhood is my calling, and the most important thing I do. But so is working for pay. Because that’s my calling, I need to love what I do. Anything less would be irresponsible to my family. It’s about my attitude, to be sure, but it’s also about making sure I spend my days in a way that energizes me.
A few years ago my business partners and I hired an executive coach. Our goal was to take a hard look at how far we’d come, more than five years into our business, and to figure out how we wanted to move it forward. One of the many great exercises he did with us was to have us list what energizes us about our work—what specific tasks or activities got us really excited? Then he had us list what drained our energy, and challenged us to think about how to outsource or minimize those tasks. A simple enough thing to do, but it yielded a ton of insight that has helped guide our decisions ever since. Try it and you’ll see.
No one loved their job as much as John Keating, the English teacher portrayed so brilliantly by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. When Mr. Keating first meets his students he teaches them the meaning of carpe diem: seize the day. He has one of the students read from Robert Herrick’s 17th century poem “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time:”
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying.
The best scene of the movie comes at the end, after Keating is fired, when the students literally take a stand on his behalf, shouting “oh Captain my Captain” and climbing on top of their desks.
Guess what. Time is still a-flying. Now is the time to gather rosebuds. Do you love what you do—how you spend each day? Are you living your calling? All I can say is: carpe diem.
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