Leaving Oz

My Son Broke My Mom's Nose

Our much anticipated visit to my parents' home at the end of September was fraught with one challenge after another.  About ten days before I was to leave for Ohio, I had arguably the biggest fight with my mom that I've had since living outside of her house.  Raised voices, locked doors, hanging up on one another... it was bad.  I almost cancelled the trip, but I knew that would be a mistake made in the heat of my emotion. 

Then, after my mother and I reconciled which was a small miracle (thank you, Lord!), the power went out in my parents' home for seven days.  Every day, I would call, as the date for our departure drew nearer, and ask, "Is it on yet?" 

And she would reply, "Not yet.  Maybe tomorrow." 

My Speechless Ultrasound

I wanted to send an update about my latest prayer request.  For months, I've been dreading what I had to go through being over 35 years old and pregnant.  I've been asking for peace of mind to get through the genetic ultrasound done that is done at 18 weeks. 

When the test was done for my first pregnancy, there were multiple "markers" that indicated brain damage, down syndrome, and trisonomy 18 defects. We forewent doing the amnio, since we were committed to have the baby, defect or no defect.  We had to undergo regular testing to monitor the status.  Needless to say, we endured months of tears, agony for months, waiting to see something change.  It wasn't until testing was done later in the pregnancy showed that everything was fine.  The results had been false negative.

So going into the test this second time, Hubby and I were very stressed.  We braced ourselves for a set of "markers" and a pregnancy frought with worry once again.

Sickness and the Empty Nest

Okay, I thought I was dealing with the empty nest pretty well. I survived those 17 days of my daughter’s pre-college wilderness experience. That was challenging. Sequoia didn’t get to bring her computer into the wilderness. Or her cell phone. So I had a hard stop in communications. Seventeen days of silence.

I flew to Chicago the day she returned from the wilderness, and helped her move into the dorm. We caught up, shopped for necessities, hugged, cried. Okay, I cried—she was fine. We passed notes when the orientation sessions got boring. I flew home three days later and started a new job.

Why Should We Ever Doubt That God is in Control?

Last week, my almost two-year-old son broke out in hives. First it was a small blotchy looking thing on his face which went away pretty quickly. I was hoping that was the end of it. But it wasn’t.

So, being the first-time and semi-over anxious mom that I am, I called our doctor’s office. Was it an allergic reaction to something he ate? Would it get worse? Should I give him Benadryl? What do I need to watch out for? Ohhhh the questions I had running through my mind.

Before I go any further, let me take a step back. Before I had my BL, I was pretty easy going in terms of health issues. Nothing really ever bothered me. Every little ache or pain always seemed to resolve itself on its own.

It's Not Easy, But I'm Not Alone

I cried, just outside the hospital, the silent kind with tears coming down my cheeks so I wouldn’t upset Dad.  I cried in the car, crying out to God in this moment where only He is able to make this situation become something beautiful.  I cried when I got home because I was home and could cry knowing that my children are strong enough to let me cry and still feel that their world is safe.  I cried twice more because it is hard to be brave when your mama is in that whisper thin place where life and death touch. 

Today it was hard to go see Mom.  There was heaviness in my heart that made my whole being move at a weary pace.  Then I saw her, resting in her bed and I just wanted to be with her.  So I go through the ritual of washing my hands, sanitizing them before slipping on a pair of purple gloves.  Next comes the surgical mask.  I don’t like wearing it.  It makes me feel separated from her, like I am holding back something she needs.  But I still wear it because it is responsible.  I want to be careful not to pass on something to her that will be one more thing her body must fight.  I also wear it to protect my family from the hardship that we would have to cope with if one of us became sick.

When she sees me today there is relief in her eyes.  She grabs for my hand and holds onto it.  Like every time before I tell her I am glad to see her and I soak up the happiness I know she feels when I am next to her.  I know the love I give to her is more precious to her than any thing. 

A Stress Mess: My Problem with Limits

My body decided to hold a protest last weekend.  I didn't get any warning about it's complaints. At least, I didn't catch it before hand.  No,my body decided to just call it quits. Kaput. I-am-no-longer-working-for-you-anymore type of rebellion.

When did my body decide to throw in the towel?  Yep.  Saturday night, right before my kickoff meeting with all the LeavingOz mom writers the next day.  Hubby and I had just returned from our monthly date night out.  I was in seventh heaven. 

As I got ready for bed, I noticed splotches of red bumps appearing all over the front and back of my body! What?! My first thought was, "Okay, it was probably the lamb I ate at that new Afghan place tonight." As another hour passed, the bumps had turned into welts. Itching and burning welts which were swelling up in large masses. HIVES. Okay, now I was really freaking out.

Man, This Body is Getting Old...

I woke up Sunday morning to Holly (our golden retriever) poking her wet (and cold!) nose in my face. This is her way of saying it's time to get up. I lay there for a few minutes, going through the day's events. Boy, another packed day... so let's see - church, kick-off meeting for this Christian mom's blog, then an important goodbye party for someone at school. Check, check, check. OK, it's time to get up. Slowly, oh ever so slowly, I sat up, paused for a bit - and just sat there. 

I felt awful. I mean, I wasn't sick or anything, but I just did not feel well. Fatigued and lethargic are good descriptions. I literally hit the wall. A full week of end-of-school activities and non-stop running around, not to mention (real) work, have done the job.

A shower, yeah, that should help. Get into the shower and you'll feel better, I told myself. Ten minutes later, and still feeling horrible, I walked slowly to the kitchen.  Have some breakfast and you'll feel rejuvenated, I said to myself. So after my daily bowl of flax and oatmeal, I looked at the clock. Wow, it's almost time to leave for church. My mind was ready to go, but the body was not responding. This 44-year-old body just will not move. And suddenly, an epiphany...