Leaving Oz

A Thanksgiving Story

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It has all the best parts of a holiday—family, good food, cozy togetherness—without the stressful parts like gifts or costumes or bouncehouses. Thanksgiving is, I know, stressful for many moms because of all the cooking. Lucky for me, I don’t cook much. Actually hardly at all. When I do contribute food to a holiday, I usually bake.

For me baking is pleasurable not only because it results in my favorite foods, but because it represents to me happy family time. My mom baked a lot when I was growing up, usually with me at her side. So although I have no idea how to cook a turkey, I do know how to whip up a cake or cookies.

This Thanksgiving my contribution was pumpkin cheesecake. I had my recipe all picked out from Real Simple magazine. But my husband, the head chef, nixed it for fear it was too simple. Instead he turned to the Internet, one of his favorite cookbooks, and chose what he thought was a more gourmet recipe. I was game; like I said, I KNOW how to bake.

Stepping Up to an Unpopular Position

I read a quote over the summer that keeps rolling around in my head. It was from actress Diane Keaton, talking about how nothing challenges your values like having children. It's easy enough to say what you believe--and even say it with conviction. But until you're called to live out those values in front of your children, or enforce them on behalf of your children, they're just empty words.

For me the rubber met the road this past weekend when my 10-year old daughter was at a sleepover birthday party with four other girls her age--girls who, for the most part, have different rules in their homes than we do. Girls whose families are all apparently okay with letting them watch PG-13 movies.

The movie in question was "Step Up 2," a romance about two teenage dance students from different backgrounds. A movie that includes not only "realistic threats and dangers, violence or threat of violence and/or stories in which children are hurt or threatened" but also "provocative dancing and kissing" (information taken from youngmedia.org).

Love What You Do

What’s your calling? I’m not sure many of us have even given it much thought—at least not since our years of mothering started. In college, it seemed like few things were more important than finding a career path. In recent years, it’s the farthest things from our minds.

Motherhood, surely, is the highest calling. No job in the world is more important than raising our kids right. But some of us are called to do other work in addition to parenting—sometimes for personal fulfillment, sometimes for financial gain, usually for both. Many of my stay-at-home mom friends whose kids are now in full-day school are thinking about working again, some with more excitement than others. All with some degree of trepidation. Moms, I have one piece of advice for you—those of you re-entering the workforce and those who are called to stay at home: love what you do.

It Definitely Takes a Village

One of my favorite novels is I Don’t Know How She Does It, about a woman who wants to be the best mom possible and also have a fulfilling career. Her stories about her crazy life are hilarious and hit close to home.

Some of my friends have said to me “I don’t know how you do it.” Well I’ll tell you how. It’s not a secret. I need a village, both to help me raise my children and to keep me sane. I could not survive without them. In addition to an unshakeable faith in my Creator, there are three key things that keep me afloat, and all of them are people: my family, my friends, and my service providers. My service providers. Does that make you laugh? Read on.

One Nation, Divisible Over Sarah Palin

Both gushing and bashing, Americans can't get enough of Sarah Palin, our Republican candidate for Veep. According to the Wall Street Journal, Sarah Palin is increasing voter approval of John McCain. Meanwhile, new information continues to come to light about her highly controversial personal life and politics.

While our nation stands divided over John McCain's choice of Vice President, I have to admit that I do too. And I'm not even talking about her political track record here.

Initially I was thrilled at the news: A woman! A wife! A mother! A working mother! A Christian! And she's close to my age! She must be like me! As it turns out, not so much.

Success at What Cost?

My first-born just turned 10 years old, which has been more of a milestone than I thought it would be. It's been a decade since I became a mother, and it's less than a decade until my baby girl goes off to college. She can now be left home alone--for a few minutes to start, and only during the day--but it's a big step, and I agonize over whether it's the right thing to do.

How times have changed. I remember my brother riding his bike all over town with his friends, gone for the whole day, from the time he knew how to ride a bike. My kids don't ride their bikes alone to school, which is just around the corner. I remember walking from my house to the corner drugstore to buy candy with my friends starting when we were probably seven or eight years old. Today, my kids don't walk next door unless we're standing in the front yard watching them.

Does that make us better parents than our parents were? Or are we doing our kids a terrible disservice by constantly hovering over them, never letting them explore and learn on their own? That's what I'm starting to think.

Living in the Moment

I saw John Mayer in concert over the weekend, a show I’d been looking forward to for a long time. I love to see live music, but what I don’t like is all the anticipation followed by the let down once it’s over. It just goes by so quickly! In the middle of the concert, when Mayer was singing “Why Georgia,” and we were all singing along with the lyric “am I living it right?” I had to stop and say to myself: Enjoy this moment. Here. Now.

Am I living it right Lord? I often stop and ask. I spend so much time planning for my life, and the lives of everyone in my household, and then once we arrive at each scheduled, calendared item, we rush through it, onto the next.

I want to live in the moment, to enjoy *every minute* of my life, to savor each cute thing my children do or say, to lock into memory every simple and poignant act. Even in the unpleasant moments I want to be in the moment, to use all available resources and creativity to turn the situation around.

The Good Enough Mom

As my oldest child nears her 10th birthday next week, I can tell you: I'm not an amazing mom. It's taken me 10 years to be okay with this, but it's true.

I've never sewn a Halloween costume. The last birthday cake I made was for my daughter's first birthday. I do let my son play video games longer than I should. I probably have even allowed transfats and artificial colors and flavors to cross their lips a time or two. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

I've decided that I am not, and never will be, the kind of woman whose friends whisper about, saying, "Can you believe her? How does she do it all? She is just such an incredible mom!" Instead, I've decided to be a Good Enough Mom.

Summer Breeze Makes Me Feel...Crazy!

I’ve been marveling lately at the inverse relationship between childhood bliss and parental labor. That’s because it’s June, which is the second busiest time of year for moms of school-age kids, next to December. (OK, so the start of the school year is pretty crazy too; you’ll probably be hearing about that in September!).

When I was a kid, school ended and summer began. There was nothing ceremonious about school ending, just the pure joy of it. Same with summer. Summertime meant sleeping in, playing outside, swimming, more time with friends, the occasional family vacation, and that was about it. It was heaven—except for those days that sometimes dragged on, where I’d tail my mom all day whining that I was bored.

But fast forward to 2008 and WHATTHEHECK? The end of the school year means multiple parties for every class and every sports team the kids are involved in. Once, on a single day, I had to bring food or drink to four different events in four different locations.